Transition into Darkness – Gimme a glimmer

 

Visit this link if you are just joining me – Part 1.   Wouldn’t want you missing parts of the story!

During my time of being what I call “lab rat” for medications several things began to occur.  I started to become much more involved in my health and wellness.  As I mentioned I had always felt that doctors knew better than me in regards to my health but that feeling subsided as I saw them struggle to figure out what was truly going on with me.

I started counseling in an effort to sort out whatever emotional things might be contributing to the problem.

Many things were happening for me at that time.  I had started a hobby that had turned into a business, took a small business course for women, got married and moved away to a VERY small town.  The changes took their toll on me.  I began to miss appointments with the counselor and eventually I stopped going.

In the tiny town I had no support group other than my husband.  It was a short union of less than 1 1/2 years.  The end of my marriage brought new feelings to struggle with (was it all my fault, did it end because I’m nuts, would I ever be able to be in a relationship… blah blah blah my brain went on and on).  The negative banter in my mind led to serious suicidal feelings and I called my current doctor to tell him.  A police car was promptly sent to my house and I was taken to a suicide prevention hospital.

Now the title of this post is Gimme a Glimmer and that is exactly what the hospital did for me.  After I stopped having a terrible attitude about being there, and actually took part in group therapy I learned a thing or two.  Life was dealing me an overwhelming hand and I did not have the tools in place to cope with it.  I revisited many things while there. 1) I was told that my hobby/business was a helping tool.  I had brought a project with me and was told I looked more at peace as I created.  2) My marriage had been sucking the life out of me and without a support system near me I was unable to hold up under that pressure. 3) I had children that were also experiencing unknown amounts of stress just watching mom fall apart.  I left that hospital armed with the desire to focus on my health, my children and my business.  It didn’t fix everything but it sure gave me a push in the right direction, there was the glimmer I needed.

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